20 weeks

Yesterday was the day. I will quote the man because I found his email to his friends slightly amusing:

Subject: so today we had our 20 week ultrasound
Body: All I have to say is 8---------->

He is a child still. We are children having children and his words confirm this. Regardless, the other great news we received and which he omitted, is that the babe is healthy. Not only does he have a penis but he has four limbs, a full brain, a beating heart and proper organs. It was quite a process, this 20 week ultrasound. We were in there for a good hour with the tech, Parm, telling me all about her and her husband starting to talk about having babies, different details of the ultrasound and measurements and then the brief time that the man was allowed in the room to show him the penis, basically.

I am happy. I would be happy with a healthy girl. But I am happy for the child that it is a boy. I will be able to do a better job as a mom. I wouldn't know what to do with a little girl. My mom had two boys before me, and although she was happy to have a girl finally, she was cheap and adorned me in boys clothes entered me in baseball and hockey because we had the gear and basically raised me like her third son except on church days when the dresses would come out. I can't dance, I can't sing, I don't know anything about make up or dating and I don't like gossip and chit chat. I like sports, I still have dreams of being a professional athlete (just haven't picked a sport yet), and I hate talking on the phone. I am happy, and I will force this boy to love all the sports I love and if he decides he wants to sing and dance, well then he's his father's son, what more can I do?

This morning a friend forwarded me a link to her friend's blog which outlines her opinion of what you can and can't do during pregnancy. I was thrilled to see that I am not the only one out there who still wants to live and not spend each day worrying about miscarrying or harming the fetus. I am watching the foods I consume, true. But I am riding my scooter, this weekend I am going xc mountain biking and snowboarding, I am running, I get massages, I fly on airplanes and want to take a big trip before I deliver, I drink coffee, I continue to work in East Hastings and a filthy restaurant, I use a lap top (sometimes on my lap!) and this morning I had deli meat (microwaved until steaming) and loved every minute of it. I am tired of feeling guilty, yet due to my still lack of belly, I have not been scolded by any strangers. I will refrain from doing something if it feels wrong. Thank you pregnant chicken lady for confirming that I am not a horrible person.