Sweet Dreams continued

My purchase recommendation for the day is a humidifier. I have been so dry since becoming pregnant. Perhaps its because I pee every twenty minutes and try not to drink in the late hours, or perhaps its because Vancouver is a bit rain deprived, or perhaps its this nasty dry cough that is going around, or perhaps this is a normal pregnancy related ailment. Regardless, I have finally found a solution:the most amazing humidifier I have ever seen. This puppy is truly silent, and that puff of steam you see in the ad is real, it instantly produces relaxing and moisturizing mist at whatever level you desire and warm or cold. Perfection. Sweet dreams.

My New Snuggle Bunny

Snoogle.

I had the most wonderful night of uninterrupted sleep last night. For those of you who have yet to have babies you might not know what I am talking about. I will try to explain. I can't sleep on my back (or it is recommended that I don't sleep on my back and despite my attempt to do it anyways because I can breathe, the guilt wakes me up) and it just isn't comfortable to sleep on my tummy, or rather my baby. So I have to sleep on my side, and as my hips widen my knees dig into each other harder and harder. I can't bear the feeling of my knees touching, or my growing thighs, or even my calves for that matter. Actually as of late, I can't stand anything of my own touching anything else of my own. I hate the feeling of my toes touching each other. I sometimes pull my baby toe to the side for relief, but then I get a bit out of breath from being so scrunched up trying to reach my toes. I don't have the biggest belly outside but it feels huge inside, my feet are getting so much further away. I am a mess and just a tad bit irritable right now.

But, last night I had the pleasure of sleeping comfortably for the first time in ages. Instead of wrapping my legs around the man as per usual, I wrapped them around my new Snoogle Pillow . The man was disappointed, but hey the Snoogle, doesn't snore, sweat or flick me aside when it gets too hot. The Snoogle has unrelenting love for me, it is here to give and never to ask. It holds my head gently, supports my growing belly, seperated my thighs, knees, calves and feet. It doesn't make me hot or sweaty and it is just the perfect mix of firm yet soft. It is perfection.

Job hunting

I spent a good portion of last week trying to calculate how many hours I have worked since finishing my schooling last October. Between taking holidays, being sick and working a pathetic two days a week, I have been struggling to fulfill the necessary 600 hours to qualify for EI when on maternity leave. I was scouring craigslist to see if I could find a decent part time job that would pay me anywhere close to my nursing wage, with no luck. I wouldn't mind waitressing until the bitter end, but the establishment where I currently work just isn't a pretty place for a pregnant lady. For instance, I am barely showing and yet, I have had trouble squeezing through many of the tight spots between tables as of late. I don't know my own hips, I run into people's chairs, throwing them off balance while they try to delicately sip steaming hot miso soup, and smoke their tables with my hips when I try to squeeze by ever so gently. And the under age youth who try incessantly to beg a drink out of me. I am now a motherly type, or at least I am trying to show my responsible side. No fake id is bypassing me, but the attitude that I am receiving and the shit tips from these youth is enough to drive me to unemployment. Not to mention the sanitation, enough said.

So I came up with a new idea. I am going to try to sell my face and bump for profit for the next few months. If anyone will have me that is. An old friend came by yesterday and out of the kindness of her heart she snapped away photos attempting to find a pretty shot amongst the blurry and awkward bunch. And ta da, her talent has prevailed. You can check out a few on her blog lalaandkiki.blogspot.com Successful or not, I can't deny that its a bit fun having photos taken all day with a good friend..

21 weeks and 3 days....

Sorry Aunty, Im posting pics again. I have had too many questions and unnecessary prods of the belly... here it is, or lack thereof... But I swear, we had an ultrasound last week and the boy is healthy and full size, maybe I was just sucking in???

Please take note of the American Apparel faux denim high waisted tights... a must have for all pregnant teeny boppers

Recycle, Reduce, Reuse

I have been a very poor blog writer as of late. There are a few reasons. One of which is the still lack of belly and the lack of nausea, the lack of cravings, okay basically the lack of feeling pregnant. Sure the lil' one still kicks and punches me every few hours, but other than that.... I just feel like me. I am actually having trouble limiting myself in terms of activities, for example sometimes I get a craving to down a Guinness, but then I have to remind myself that there is a lil guy who will get a whole lot more than tipsy for life. And mountain biking, I thought it was a good idea, I sort of still think it is a good idea, but then the other day when I was going down after a steep and horrible climb it clicked to me that 'this might not be the safest pregnant activity'. I haven't been since then. I am sure biking on flat wide trails is no prob but going downhill on narrow single tracks that are a tad slick and adorned with roots and rocks galore, well one slip and that belly is either flying into the handlebars or over them which could be worse. I will be cautious of the next trail that I ride. So this lack of feeling very pregnant has made me not want to write about being pregnant. Really, I don't have anything to complain about and I don't really feel the need to write about positive things (who the hell would want to read flowery shit?), but time is ticking and nothing is being written so I am going to try to write something, anything, positive or not.

The other reason I haven't written is because I have had a cold non-stop for a month straight. No fever, so no worries, but no avail either. I have been plugged up every day and coughing up chunks of phlegm all day. I can't take oil of oregano, no cold medicine, no friggen teas even! I am guzzling water and waiting to get better.

The last reason is because I have ADHD.... and its getting worse and worse with this pregnancy. I am taking my omegas and getting lots of exercise and have very limited amounts of caffeine, but I can't help but crave the relaxing effects of Ritalin, horrible I know. Or maybe it is just the 'placenta brain' that so many speak of. The inability to remember anything a minute later, I can't focus, I can't sit still, I have been reading the same page in my book for the past seven weeks, I am only on page 50!

So that is where I have been, out walking the dog, mountain biking, enjoying the sun, eating good food, running, watching movies, and nothing requiring very much attention at all. Oh I did have one bad dream about leaving my newborn in the front seat of a car for a few hours unattended on the way home from the hospital. I returned to the car in the dream to find my dog smothering my babe... I freaked out a bit. So we bought a car seat. The first big purchase! We also bought about fifty onesies(how do you spell 'onesy'?) in blue. But, we didn't make the mistake most first timers make.... we walked into the store, past the bamboo onesies and the hemp onesies and the brand name onesies into the cost effective aisle, the consignment aisle. There we loaded up on brand new looking onesies priced at $2.00! Upon leaving I glanced at the brand new onesies and was shocked to see that they were priced as high as $35.00. For a piece of clothing the size of my foot.... when perfectly handy onesies were available basically for free one aisle over. Maybe someone can offer a damn good reason why I shouldn't buy second hand baby gear, but until then I will continue my Sally Ann ways and stock up with more for less. My name brand loving Man can drool at Baby Bjorns, but there is no way we will be throwing our cash into that pile. Besides, we recycle, we have been working on reducing, but now we can truly work on the first principle: reuse! I actually made the mistake of titling this blog Recycle Reduce Reuse, when in actuality it should be Reduce, Reuse, Recycle. This makes much more sense, but in our day it is so much easier to start at recycling and make minimal attempts at the other two. Well no longer for us, we are now a Reduce, Reuse and Recycling duo, he has no choice.

I also should mention that this store was fantastic. The staff ranged from new moms to grandmas wanting to stay in 'baby mode' forever. They were knowledgeable and took the time to walk us through the intro to reusable diapers, car seats, strollers, and cribs. They didn't laugh at us, even when we were laughing at ourselves (which made it a bit awkward), but instead offered more and more advice and information. They even told me that the maternity dress I tried on looked horrible, honest but yet so sweet. Check it out if you are ever expecting at Lonsdale and 20th, Boomers and Echoes . And lastly, we left with one very very important article with which I would recommend to all new parents. Especially for men like my Man who have never ever changed a diaper and will be sure to be slower than the bladder of a new baby boy. The pee-pee teepee. Enough said.

19 weeks

My aunt kindly asked me to stop posting pics of me pretending to look like I am pregnant. So I will withhold for a few more weeks until I have something to show. I must admit, there is still nothing there. But the aches and pains, also known as 'round ligament pain' in my lower belly, my pelvis, my back and a few other unmentionable areas, are making me think that I may soon 'pop' as some refer to it. I may have a belly soon. Then these stupid pants that I bought with the stretchy waists up to my boobs will stop slipping off my now chubby, but not pregnant looking belly.

Crying Times

In the past two days I have started to grow quite fond of the idea of having a lil one. This is a good thing I realize, because it is happening, whether I want it to or not. But this has not been how I have felt all along. I have cried, a lot. I am not a person who cries, ever. I did not cry at my father's funeral, nor my grandmother, nor for any sad reason whatsover. But in the past three months the only routine thing I have done each and every day is shed a tear or two. Now, they have not all been tears for self pity. This has been the itinerary: At first I cried because I was scared shitless. Then I cried because I didn't want to get fat. Then I cried when I gained weight (and this is just the beginning). Then I cried because I didn't want to do it alone, away from support in Toronto. Then I cried because my Boy wasn't meeting enough friends in Vancouver. Then I cried because he was at the bar with friends. Then I cried because he was at the bar again with friends. Then I cried because he was at work (I got a little needy for a while). I cried because we live in a rental house, unstable. Then I cried when we were looking at houses to buy because "I never wanted a family or to own a house!". When we couldn't buy the house I cried again. I cried because I missed eating the food I loved. I cried before Christmas because I wanted family to be with us for Christmas and it didn't seem like it would ever happen. Then I cried at Christmas, alot, because the in-laws were here and my mom was here, and it was too much to handle. And in Maui, I cried lots in Maui. Mainly because I felt so sick. I was so tired of puking, not doing anything, being so hot and then having food poisoning. I remember crying as I puked in a bowl looking in the mirror (I got too lazy to walk to the bathroom). There were many more emotional cries: which is quite normal or so I'm reassured by others. But the cries I haven't come to understand are the ones for no apparent reason. When I read a story about a lady dying in a plane crash I sob ten times then resume my day. Today I read an article about a lady having an abortion: ten short sobs. A girl breaks up with her boyfriend in a movie, sob. A hooked died in my book, sob. And so on, its completely uncontrollable. I have never felt so much emotion in my life. I have never reacted so easily. All of the cliches about pregnant women...they are somewhat true.

Pregnant women are nauseated: true. They are emotional: very true. They have gas: gross but true. They get constipated: true. They are needy: true. They get hungry alot; true (and then nauseated if they don't eat: true). But the sayings which I looked forward to: the pregnancy glow and 2nd trimester energy boost? I have yet to see this. I am pimply, very very pimply. And I am exhausted, day in and day out I want to sit on my ass and do nothing. And horny? I am so tired and nauseated and did I mention tired, and look where sex got us in the first place.

One last thing about the crying: the day before I did a pregnancy test I booked a doctors appointment. You see I had started crying and never in my life have I cried more than once in a six month period. I get angry, yes, but not sad very often. So this crying thing had started but it would end just as soon as it started. Within seconds I could wipe my eye and be laughing and joking away. It was insane. I seriously questioned my sanity. So I booked an appointment to ask the doctor if I was bipolar. The next day I did a pregnancy test and it made a bit more sense. I did go in for that doctor's appointment, but it was simply to confirm my pregnancy and the beginning of an emotional experiment.

Sweet Dreams

Last night I dreamt that my Boy had turned into a completely psychotic murderer. The vividness with which I remember my dreams these days is causing a bit of chaos in my daily life. I woke up and would not let him touch me. I hated him, he was a psycho. I tolhd him everything he had done and why I never wanted to see him again.

In my dream I was in a weird basement with him. He was freaking me out by giving me crazy eyes and chasing me around as if to kill me. His friend came down the stairs and I said that he was scaring the shit out of me, could he help me? The friend tried to calm him down, in the end the Boy took his friend by the head and violently beat it against a concrete sink until he went limp and then he proceeded to cut off his limbs. bloody. He then did this to another friend who came down the stairs. I ran upstairs to his brothers (he doesnt actually have brothers??), and told them to help me. Everyone remained calm, as if this was normal. He was always insane. As if he apparently resided in the basement and killed friends on a regular basis. It then occured to me that I had to have an abortion. I was carrying a part-monster child and the Boy would forever want to be in my life. As you can imagine, I woke up beside Him but wanting to be nowhere near him. Realizing it had been a dream I still had to confront him. He had to answer questions in a sleepy daze "would you ever kill anyone? Are you ever going to become violent? Would you ever hit me? Are you insane?" I'm sure he was begging the same question in his head, but as usual he patiently stroked my paranoia until I realized he was an okay guy afterall.

According to a Pregnancy Book my mother gave me, it is perfectly normal to have wild and vivid dreams. Part of the reason is hormones and part of the reason is that when your pregnant you have to pee so often that you never really fall into REM therefore you always remember the dreams you wake from. Apparently, it is also common to dream of having sex, vivid sex, with all of the people you have been with. No comment. This, according to the book, is because the woman is going through an important life change and is moving on; but she is revisiting these events in her dreams before she moves on. Sleep has become quite an event as of late. I have woken in the middle of the night screaming out "Did you lick my nipple?", "Why did you lick my nipple!" Or accusing my Boy of cheating, or of feeling that I myself have cheated. It all feels so real, I can't discern which is life and which is a vivid dream.

To top off my morning of paranoia and psychotic Boys, I wolfed down a quick bowl of cereal and jumped in the shower in a mad rush for work. I brushed my teeth, in the shower of course, and when cleaning my tongue (doesn't everyone?) I hit the back of my throat ever so lightly. Gag reflex. Puke everywhere. In the shower of all places, in the drain, on my feet, even stuck in between my freshly brushed teeth. I have come to realize that as a late person, being pregnant has placed a whole new set of boundries in my way to forever make it impossible for me to be on time.